Ahad, Ogos 26, 2012


When bored, create manifestos

AUG 22 — Listening to what passes off as political discourse in this country is dangerous. Dangerous for your sanity, I mean.

On one extreme, you have a national news agency that reminds me of China and North Korea’s “information” bureaus.

It’s hard not to be cynical when you read headlines that slavishly praise our “great leaders” without shame or a hint of irony.

When the mainstream papers publish statements by our “great leaders” to not listen to the “lies” and “empty promises” of the opposition, you start wondering when our Rukunegara was swapped with the Communist Red Book.

Though, of course, part of me is also slightly disturbed by Pakatan Rakyat having an “Orange Book” or “Buku Jingga.”

Ideologies. Manifestos. I understand propaganda is part and parcel of the game of politics, but sometimes, it gets really tiresome.

So just because I can, I will create my own manifesto.

I shall call it the Manifesto that is Not A Manifesto of the Insufferably Bored Created via Wishful Thinking.

  • 1. Politicians are hereby denied the right to look stupid. Rather than saying anything stupid, they will maintain dignified silences and, if they must say something, they will pass it in a note to the Speaker who will determine whether or not the proposed statement is stupid.
  • 2. If somehow, a politician manages to make a buffoon of himself in Parliament, surrounding MPs are encouraged to point and mock said politician until he sits down.
  • 3. Politicians will not be allowed to claim that his or her party speaks for a particular race or a religion. After all, they only speak for a certain number of people of whatever creed so they do not have carte blanche to proclaim themselves the ultimate Pastafarians/Klingon, etc, etc.
  • 4. Rather than televised debates, politicians will instead challenge each other to games of batu seremban/gasing and other national pastimes to both preserve our heritage and provide real entertainment. They are allowed to shout political manifestos during their turns, though, so long as they keep it to below 30 seconds.
  • 5. Politicians will also be told to stay out of sports and a special law created to avoid any hugging of sportsmen/sportswomen by wives of ministers after major wins. Sportsmen are, however, allowed to hug each other.
  • 6. A perma-ban on any sort of sloganeering a-la 1 Malaysia. Offenders will be locked in a padded room and forced to watch “Ombak RIndu” until they start weeping for mercy.

Feel free to add your own suggestions. In the meantime, I will write a few hundred angry letters to the editor complaining about the lack of kitten pictures in mainstream and alternative media. More kittens, I say. Who’s with me?

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